Worst garbage ever seen on Network TV

There are those of you who would argue that EVERYTHING seen on network television (ABC, CBS and NBC) these days is garbage, and of course your argument has validity. But there's always the worst of the worst, as some garbage seen on TV is just so awful, it rates mention: 10. ALL DAY TIME PROGRAMMING. Call them your 'stories,' or more popularly these days 'soaps,' this is the stuff that is simply unwatchable by even those of us with poor taste in what we call entertainment. They all follow the same plot and are filmed in only three locations: in the living room of an opulent mansion (all soap opera characters are filthy rich, you see), in a hospital room or in a jail cell. No other set is needed for filming a soap opera. And we won't go into how awful the writing and production are on the run of the mill soap, nor what God awful actors populate the soap stages these days. 9. CAVEMAN. This poorly conceived ABC drek was a take off on the mildly amusing GEICO ads depicting modern day Neanderthals taking offense at advertising which suggests they are dumb. 13 episodes were filmed, and thankfully the series was cancelled after only 6 were aired. One can only view so many caveman gags before wanting to barf. What were the producers thinking when they cobbled this terrible idea together?

8. THE BACHELOR. I just can't believe this horrible program is going into its 14th season since debuting in 2002. Just how dumb do viewers have to be to watch this garbage? That was a rhetorical question, BTW.

7. MY MOTHER THE CAR. On the whole, Jerry Van Dyke is a pretty funny guy, and his character 'Luther Van Dam' on 'Coach' was memorable. His role in this dreadful show (which lasted an entire season) stank to high heaven, as the premise of the show featured the voice of Ann Southern as his reincarnated mother who came back as an antique car. Just what in God's name were the producers thinking when they hatched this dog? Again, a rhetorical question. The answer: there was no thinking go on in that room.

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6. COP ROCK. Imagine, New York's finest busting down a door, cuffing the perps, and then things just seemed perfect in the writer's mind to insert a Broadway style show tune while dragging away the dirt bags to the hoosegow. With luck, whoever came up with this idea was run out of show biz. Nope, Steven Bochco went on after this to produce LA Law and NYPD Blue, and most of us forgot this pig of a show (except me).

5. PETTICOAT JUNCTION. Rural folks acting stupid in Hooterville, and let the laughs begin. Or more accurately, the laugh track was dubbed in. Really bad writing for a sit com, and for whatever reason it lasted 7 long, horrible years.

4. GREEN ACRES. A 'Petticoat Junction' spin-off. What a nightmare this show was, starring Eddie Arnold and Eva Gabor as fish out of water urbanites who buy a farm and let the laughs begin. Since these two shows were virtually joined at the hip since they were concocted by the same Hollywood idiot, I figure I could reuse a phrase or two and get away with it.

3. THREE'S COMPANY. John Ritter pretends to be gay while rooming with two babes, thus fooling the dimwit landlord. It just doesn't get any better, huh? And this one lasted 7 years as well, and nobody in Hollywood could figure out why.

2. B.J. AND THE BEAR. Lovable truck driver hangs out with a chimpanzee, and let the laughs begin. OK, I'll use another line next time. But this one stinks, and it's not just the chimp.

1. JOANIE LOVES CHACHI. Spin off from 'Happy Days,' but was short lived for good cause: the spin off came right after Henry Winkler's 'Fonzie' jumped the shark in the waning weeks of 'Happy Days', and most folks were pretty darn sick of Joanie by then, not to mention Chachi. This one was put to death quickly, but they could have done it sooner if you ask me.