Obama joke of the week

Cletus went to the neurosurgeon to have his brain checked out, since it didn't seem to work right. He told the neurosurgeon, 'Doc, I just cain't seem to thank ('think') right, kin you hep me?'

The neurosurgeon, after thoroughly examining Cletus said, 'yes, just as I suspected, Cletus. You need a new brain. I can schedule you for a brain transplant next week. All you need to do is choose which kind of brains you want to use to replace your rotten brains.'

Cletus, somewhat stunned at the prognosis, asked 'whaddaya mean, what kind o' brains? Is they more than one kind?'

The neurosurgeon patiently explained, 'yes, Cletus. If you want to use the brains of people who voted for George W. Bush, those go for $1,000.00 per ounce. If you wanted to use the brains of people who voted for John McCain, those brains are $2,000.00 per ounce. And Obama voter brains, those are $1,000,000.00 (1 million) per ounce.'

Cletus gasped: 'A million bucks, for an ounce of Obama voter brains, why so much, Doc?'

Again, the neurosurgeon patiently explained to a slow thinking Cletus, 'Obama voter brains are extremely expensive for a simple reason, Cletus. Do you realize how many Obama voters we would have to harvest to yield just a single ounce of brains?'

(rim shot inserted here.)

America's 'Cargo Cult' Administration

A few years ago, Dan Jacoby wrote a piece criticizing President George W. Bush as trying to emulate Ronald Reagan, without any knowledge as to how Reagan operated. Jacoby referred to Bush as the "Cargo Cult President." This piece was retrofitted to our current president a few months ago as the summary of it was covered on the Rush Limbaugh show, and that particular comparison was much more accurate than the original Jacoby piece in 2004.

I believe it would be fair and accurate to extend this comparison to Obama's entire administration, as he and all of his advisers have virtually no real life experience in capitalism, and yet want all its goodies to magically appear if they simply go through the motions, all the while they demonize the very system that provides their coveted yet elusive prosperity.

If you are not familiar with the term 'cargo cult,' it refers to the primitive native peoples in the Pacific Islands and remote areas whose territories were pressed into service during WWII to service the U.S. Pacific Fleet, in addition to the Japanese Imperial Navy. These native people would watch as these foreigners (both Japanese and American troops) moved in, and subsequently build landing strips and control towers. Then as if by magic, planes would land on these strips full of food, water, supplies, gasoline, clothing, etc. Much of it would be distributed to the indigenous populations in addition to serving the war effort.

After the war ended, these foreigners left, and so did all of their goodies. Not wanting to interrupt this gravy train, the natives would ape the behaviors of those foreigners in hopes of making the magic planes arrive again. They would build bamboo 'control towers,' clear rudimentary, crude 'landing strips' out of the jungle, and talk into crude 'microphones', hoping that this behavior would entice the goodies to reappear, but in reality they had absolutely no understanding of the actual nature of where all these goodies came from. They had to assume it came from out of the sky, (presumably from the 'gods' ). These cults persisted in mimicking these behaviors for years and in some cases decades after the shipments ended.

Obama and his staff, cabinet and czars all are behaving in much the same way as these 'cargo cults' did, aping the soaring rhetoric of public figures of the past, such as FDR, Reagan, and Clinton, without having even a basic understanding of free market capitalism. Obama clearly seems unfazed to his profligate spending on social programs as to where all of these trillions of dollars are eventually going to come from: 'the gods', maybe.

Obama and his administration have no experience generating capital, creating jobs, meeting payrolls and all other tasks involved in creating wealth. Obama himself, along with his entire cabinet are products of academia, where Utopian philosophies and untried or impractical (but nice sounding) theories abound. None of them will ever work, nor ever have worked if implemented anywhere, but they continue to foist these foolish pie in the sky policies (unfunded) on our system, to be paid in real dollars, and not phony pie in the sky dollars, by our grand and great grand children.

These dreamers are simple fools who somehow have taken control of our country, and now are governing much like a 'cargo cult:' aping the behaviors (or more accurately, the rhetoric) of past leaders, without understanding the philosophy and capitalistic efforts behind them, and yet genuinely hoping for prosperity that will never come.

It didn't work for any of those 'cargo cults,' either, but some still persist waiting for the gods to shower them with cases of C-rations, just like the good old days.

Socialism is crashing and burning in front of us

The economies of Greece, Spain, Italy, the UK and others are on the brink of collapse within the European Union right in front of our eyes. Socialism is a catastrophic failure as an economic system. The proof is right in front of us, and I would bet that the majority of those who voted for Barack Obama refuse to connect the dots.

Those Obama voters, who have as many TV sets as the rest of us, watch the riots, and listen to Wolf Blitzer describe the mayhem without mentioning the true cause of all of this discord: liberal socialist leaders will promise anything to anyone to get a vote. And because usually promises of anything other than money go largely ignored, then the promise of money is what most always gets the vote. This is Barack Obama's vision of a Utopian America: where the government gives everybody money, and they in turn keep Democrats in power forever. Right out of "Das Kapital,' Marx's recipe for the government to take control of the private sector and make everything the public sector.

To keep from suffering the backlash when eventually there's no more money to shovel out to the masses, these leaders have to muddy the waters, divert attention from what has gotten all of us in trouble and create demons: the banks, the opposition, the owners of the means of production such as Big Oil, Big Pharma, Big Wall Street, Big This and Big That. In other words, the evil capitalists. More accurately, the problems can be falsely pinned on (in the words of their philosophical leader Karl Marx) the 'Bourgeoisie' (pronounced bush'-WAH-zee', for you Obama voters in New York, Illinois, Michigan and California).

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And who are these liberal socialist leaders aiming their demonizing rhetoric at? Their constituents who are the recipients of their redistribution schemes, or the 'Proletarians.' .

Does any of this sound familiar? It is the stuff that failed in the former Soviet Union, the stuff that failed in China, the stuff that failed in Cuba, this is the philosophy that has failed everywhere it's ever been tried. But don't expect the Proles to buy into that reality. As long as the government checks clear, whether the government check was written to a government union worker, a welfare recipient, a social security recipient, or a food stamp redeemer, it won't matter as long as those checks keep coming.

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What is as frustrating me is that these mooching slackers don't care or even bother to give it a moment's thought as to where the money is coming from. The don't give a damn about the source of their government checks ('Obama's stash,' as one lost soul in Detroit put it). The truth is that it comes from the private sector, every nickel of it, all of it. And if they expect to retire from the public sector at age 49 with a six figure pension for the rest of their lives, they can think again.

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What they are watching on TV in Greece will be in their own front yard sooner than they think, because it has reached the point where, in the words of the late great Margaret Thatcher, we have run out of other people's money.

No amount of rioting in Greece will turn dirt into gold

These socialists in Greece are now getting it: with Socialism, eventually you run out of other people's money. The dolts that were promised retirement at age 50 with 120% of their salaries for ever and ever are now getting a dose of reality. Despite the promises from the socialists they elected that they would live their golden years in opulent bliss, paid for by everyone else, they now riot to protest the new reality that they will be living their golden years in their children's basement - and that is not a solid bet, since these very same socialist free spending Greeks already spent their children's and grand children's money. .

Right now, the Greeks are going through the various stages of mourning: first, they ignored the fact that their economy was collapsing (denial). Now, they are beyond denial and are at the angry stage, hence the riots.

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When the chickens come home to roost, everyone is shocked, SHOCKED that such a thing could happen. And Americans are looking at their future on the TV screen right now as the mobs scream for their promised gold, which has been gone for a long time. When it comes time for Geraldo Rivera to open up that vault door, and the TV cameras zoom in, the Greeks will find that instead of the tons and tons of gold their leaders promised them, there is nothing inside that vault that was plundered by their leaders for generations; nothing but dirt.

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Reality sucks, sometimes. Especially when you realize that you have been duped your entire life by socialists that Socialism works. We have breaking news for Greece, Italy, Portugal and Spain (and the US): Socialism doesn't work.

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Eventually you run out of everyone else's money.

Worst garbage ever seen on Network TV

There are those of you who would argue that EVERYTHING seen on network television (ABC, CBS and NBC) these days is garbage, and of course your argument has validity. But there's always the worst of the worst, as some garbage seen on TV is just so awful, it rates mention: 10. ALL DAY TIME PROGRAMMING. Call them your 'stories,' or more popularly these days 'soaps,' this is the stuff that is simply unwatchable by even those of us with poor taste in what we call entertainment. They all follow the same plot and are filmed in only three locations: in the living room of an opulent mansion (all soap opera characters are filthy rich, you see), in a hospital room or in a jail cell. No other set is needed for filming a soap opera. And we won't go into how awful the writing and production are on the run of the mill soap, nor what God awful actors populate the soap stages these days. 9. CAVEMAN. This poorly conceived ABC drek was a take off on the mildly amusing GEICO ads depicting modern day Neanderthals taking offense at advertising which suggests they are dumb. 13 episodes were filmed, and thankfully the series was cancelled after only 6 were aired. One can only view so many caveman gags before wanting to barf. What were the producers thinking when they cobbled this terrible idea together?

8. THE BACHELOR. I just can't believe this horrible program is going into its 14th season since debuting in 2002. Just how dumb do viewers have to be to watch this garbage? That was a rhetorical question, BTW.

7. MY MOTHER THE CAR. On the whole, Jerry Van Dyke is a pretty funny guy, and his character 'Luther Van Dam' on 'Coach' was memorable. His role in this dreadful show (which lasted an entire season) stank to high heaven, as the premise of the show featured the voice of Ann Southern as his reincarnated mother who came back as an antique car. Just what in God's name were the producers thinking when they hatched this dog? Again, a rhetorical question. The answer: there was no thinking go on in that room.

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6. COP ROCK. Imagine, New York's finest busting down a door, cuffing the perps, and then things just seemed perfect in the writer's mind to insert a Broadway style show tune while dragging away the dirt bags to the hoosegow. With luck, whoever came up with this idea was run out of show biz. Nope, Steven Bochco went on after this to produce LA Law and NYPD Blue, and most of us forgot this pig of a show (except me).

5. PETTICOAT JUNCTION. Rural folks acting stupid in Hooterville, and let the laughs begin. Or more accurately, the laugh track was dubbed in. Really bad writing for a sit com, and for whatever reason it lasted 7 long, horrible years.

4. GREEN ACRES. A 'Petticoat Junction' spin-off. What a nightmare this show was, starring Eddie Arnold and Eva Gabor as fish out of water urbanites who buy a farm and let the laughs begin. Since these two shows were virtually joined at the hip since they were concocted by the same Hollywood idiot, I figure I could reuse a phrase or two and get away with it.

3. THREE'S COMPANY. John Ritter pretends to be gay while rooming with two babes, thus fooling the dimwit landlord. It just doesn't get any better, huh? And this one lasted 7 years as well, and nobody in Hollywood could figure out why.

2. B.J. AND THE BEAR. Lovable truck driver hangs out with a chimpanzee, and let the laughs begin. OK, I'll use another line next time. But this one stinks, and it's not just the chimp.

1. JOANIE LOVES CHACHI. Spin off from 'Happy Days,' but was short lived for good cause: the spin off came right after Henry Winkler's 'Fonzie' jumped the shark in the waning weeks of 'Happy Days', and most folks were pretty darn sick of Joanie by then, not to mention Chachi. This one was put to death quickly, but they could have done it sooner if you ask me.

How to Become a Leader of Liberals

Do you ever yearn to become an advocate of your favorite liberal cause? Can you just imagine gripping that bullhorn and blasting away at your nemesis (Republicans) while an adoring yet mindless liberal audience hangs on your every amplified word?

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By following these simple yet important steps, you can realize your dreams of world domination simply by reading on:

STEP 1.

If you aspire to a liberal leadership position, check your integrity, honor and character at the door. There is no value whatsoever in sticking to these antiquated notions within liberal leadership circles. If you find yourself having doubts about the immorality of having to lie, misinform and obfuscate reality in order to advance your cause, simply repeat this phrase: 'The End Justifies the Means.' And of course, by the end, I am referring to obtaining by any means power for you to wield over others. After chanting this phrase three times, in mere moments the urge to come clean with your followers will dissipate and you can continue to lead your mindless liberal flock into the future without the impediment of truth, values and honor to block your efforts. Label all of your political foes (Republicans) as an angry mob of racists, bigots, homophobes and general miscreants, and yet do not hesitate for a moment at stooping to any low (regardless of how low and loathsome low happens to be) to further your ambitions. Remember, hypocrisy is a good thing: always enact legislation that negatively affects others, and have the unmitigated gall to exempt yourself from these adverse consequences of your bad, uh, er I mean fair legislation. At the end of the day, you will sleep like a baby knowing that you yourself will live happily ever after, your constituents be damned.

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STEP 2.

Some liberal leader candidates view their aspirations as the noble management and fair allocation of our nations' scarce resources. Wipe this thought from your mind. This misguided notion of fairness will only get you into trouble going forward in your liberal leadership career. Being a liberal leader is about one thing only; power. Liberal leaders are about power, how to obtain it, how to keep it, and how to wield it for their own gain as well as punishment of their enemies (Republicans). All tactics in the pursuit of power are justified, to include lying, stealing, cheating, manipulation, spreading of misinformation and all other manner of skulduggery. Again, a good phrase for the liberal leader candidate to keep in mind is always 'The End Justifies the Means.' Chant this phase three times when you feel weak. Works every time.

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STEP 3.

Remove all mirrors from your living and working spaces. Since you no longer have any regard for integrity, honor and character as a requirement for aspirations to liberal leadership, it is simply impossible to look yourself in the face seeking any semblance or hint of dignity after affecting all manner of malfeasance in the pursuit of power. On the same token, you must shriek from the mountain tops that your opponents (Republicans) must represent the epitome of honor, character and integrity, despite your complete lack of them. This will endear you to your fellow liberal leaders. Remember to use your bull horn at the top of the mountain, as the echo effects are quite impressive.

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Remember, your adoring liberal constituencies are for the most part brain dead hippies who just want to sit around a commune and sing Kumbaya. You need only know that yelling 'A Chicken in Every Pot,' 'Stick it to the Man' and 'Haliburton!' and most importantly 'It's Bush's Fault!' into your bullhorn as loudly as possible will vault you into the inner circle of liberal power in perpetuity.

How to become a Liberal (it's really easy)

Do you even ponder just what it takes to become one of the cool crowd, but fear that you don't have what it takes to make the transition? I know, many of you often dream of joining those dope smoking, pony tail wearing, no tax payin' loveable hippie types: in common terms, Liberals. Fret no more, my friend, I will fill you in on the process, step by step as to the way to Utopian nirvahnna, and it won't cost you a dime for this priceless information. Simply read on, and you will in no time be a Democrat voting, Iraq War protesting, food stamp redeeming burden to society: STEP ONE: Procure the 'Liberal Kit.' Please note the word 'procure,' was used rather than the term 'buy.' Buying stuff costs money, and money is a thing that all genuine card carrying liberals obtain from others at no cost to themselves. Either mooch, bum or borrow (and never return) this kit, or borrow some money (but never pay it back) to obtain the kit. As a last resort, simply steal it, as the producers of the elements of this kit are rotten capitalist jerks who raped and pillaged the Proletariat and stole their land in order to put up factories to make these items. These companies deserve (and indeed, expect) to be ripped off. Think no more of it, it's the right thing to do. Contained within the kit are essentials that all liberals must have to be considered part of the gang. Before you can start demanding that your fellow man pay for all your wants and needs, you must first don the uniform: 1. Tie dyed T-shirt. This singles the wearer out from the conservative crowd. The louder and gawdier, the better. And you gain bonus points if it has a peace symbol on it, all your liberal buddies will be jealous right away of your increased stature within the liberal hippie community. 2. Bong. For you conservative folks who are desperately trying to become hip and with it, you are unlikely to know what this device is. Please refer to the picture above, but do not attempt to use it until you are properly trained on its nuances by a fellow liberal dead beat. Certain safety procedures must be followed in order to ensure maximum brain damage and the ensuing demented thought process that is critical to liberal thinking. 3. Toyota Prius. Every proud liberal must have one of these tiny little putt-putt cars, in order to show everyone that they are saving the planet. Trust me, you will be saving the planet by driving one, just don't ask me how, that's not important. Again, as mentioned before, mooch the money to buy the Prius from Dad, Mom, Gramma, or whoever you can con into the purchase or lease payments. And of course, never pay them back, that's the liberal way. . STEP TWO: . Learn the lingo. Now that you are wearing your tie dyed T-Shirt (with optional peace symbol upgrade), using your bong and driving your Prius, you think you are one of the gang, now, right? WRONG. You gotta start spewing the slogans without considering their logical meaning. You have to sound like a liberal, not just look like one. Any phony baloney feaux liberal can pop for the liberal kit, but you have to talk the talk, not just walk the walk. Repeat after me: 'Conservatives are evil.' Go ahead, you can do it, now say it with me, 'Conservatives are evil.' See how easily that rolled off the tongue? Now, let's establish some essential phrases that will enable you to sit down in any hippie commune, have a fellow liberal actually pass you the bong and not Bogart it, and listen to the banter on future plans of 'sticking it to the Man.' Practice each sentence until you have learned it without having to think about it: . 1. 'Socialism is not a bad thing.' 2. 'Health care is a right, and not a priveledge.' 3. 'Alger Hiss was innocent.' 4. 'Raise the minimum wage to (fill in the blank here, whatever you think is fair)' 5. 'Impeach Bush.' Well, this one is more of a feel good phrase than of any practical use. 6. 'I don't want to work. I just want to bang on the drum all day.' . Remember, practice makes perfect. Repeat these phrases often and commit them to knee jerk response to any and all suggestions that you should not expect your fellow man to pay your way through life. After all, becoming a liberal is as easy as falling off a log. You don't have to do anything except stick your hand out, and free money will be flowing your way for life. Just kick back in the relative comfort of welfare and stretch out. Make yourself comfortable. Just think of the social safety net that you are now lounging in as a hammock. Welcome to the Club, you are now a Liberal. Peace.