Exactly who died and made Iowans our 'King Makers?"

No, I did not watch the fifty-second Republican debate.  Why bother?  The positions and proposals of most of those candidates on that stage last night will be irrelevant here in Illinois, when we hold our Republican primary in March: Iowans will have determined which candidates that I can vote for, since mostly likely half of those guys on stage will be gone next week, and most of the rest of the pack will have been considered to be non-viable by our "King Makers" in Iowa.

And exactly why should Iowans have such power?  These rubes and hicks in Fly-Over Iowa would starve to death if it were not for Uncle Sam rigging the system so that all of their damn corn ends up in all of our gas tanks.  It's perhaps time that Iowans looked for honest work, rather than depend on government handouts to put bread on their tables.

These damn Iowans are the people that determine who I get to vote for.  They will have winnowed the field down to perhaps two guys by the time I see a primary ballot here in Illinois in March.  And maybe even one guy: Donald Trump.

Who died and made these Iowan socialists our "King Makers?"  Even the most hard core conservative in Iowa will caucus for the guy that promises to keep the pedal to the metal on ethanol subsidies.  Hardly the stuff of rock ribbed conservatives, if you ask me.  Let the market decide if ethanol is a viable form of energy (it isn't), rather than jam it down all of our throats via the ham fisted power of the U.S. federal government.

I am getting awfully tired of my western neighbors telling me who I am allowed to vote for as president.  They can't even get out of bed in the morning without government money thrown at them, the damn lazy socialist rubes.  To hell with those hayseed Iowan hicks, if you ask me.

We should hold our primaries nationwide on the same day, rather than allow a pack of commie pinkos in ethanol subsidy-addicted Iowa to decide our fates.

After the Apocalypse, at least preppers will dine on Beef Wellington

I couldn't help but shake my head after watching a commercial by Wise Food Storage warning me: "if you are not a prepper now, you will be..."

And they go on to extol the virtues of their emergency food supply products that have a shelf life of 25 years, and taste just like they were prepared by a gourmet chef, all in the comfort of your fortified bomb shelter.

What idiots they think we all are.  They continue their lecture to us 'future preppers:' "just because the world went to hell in an hand basket, that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy tasty meals."  

If you spend even one dime on their products, you are dumber than a bag of hammers.  Just take a second and think about what they are selling: comfort in the face of national chaos and destruction.  What on earth else can they sell you?  Bullet proof Faberge eggs?  Lava-proof hammocks?  Maybe designer gas masks, God knows you wouldn't want anyone to see you in one of those military issue gas masks, they are absolutely hideous, and mess up your hair when you wear them.  Oooh, ick.  

I have to hand it to Wise Food Storage, however.  They have learned at the feet of P.T. Barnum well: there's a sucker born every minute (yes, I know he didn't actually say that, but the myth bolsters my point, please bear with me).  There are always dummies out there who will buy anything that makes them feel more secure.

The nasty truth of how things will work out once the poop hits the fan is a far different future than these dopes who buy 25 years worth of food to put in their bomb shelter think.  

When civilization breaks down, and the mobs take to the streets, these dopes can't rely on their "KEEP OUT" signs hung on their doors.  Those doors will be kicked in by the mobs looking for food, weapons, ammunition, and anything else that you have.  And the likelihood that these dopey preppers will be the ones eating their delicious Wise Food Storage products is almost zero.  Whatever these idiots buy from Wise Food will almost certainly be consumed by someone they don't know.  I can virtually guarantee it.

Preppers who think that they can buy some guns and fortify their property are not thinking things through.  Yes, when the mobs come across the prepper, sure, this valiant survival expert might pick off a few of the mob.  That will only alert the remaining 10,000 scumbags in the mob that there is something inside that fortification worth defending.  This survival expert has to sleep at some point, and when that happens the mobs will pour in and that would be the end of the survival expert.  So much for his survival skills.  

Or even say that the brave survival expert stays awake forever and guns down every mob member he sees.  Eventually he will run out of ammo.  The mobs will not run out of scumbags.  He will get overrun, and his yummy Wise Food Storage portions of Steak Diane, Beef Tips in wine sauce and Beef Wellington will be feeding the mob that just took everything he had, including his life.

But at least he had the security of knowing that he had 25 years worth of tasty food at hand.  Too bad he probably never even ate a week's worth of it.

Should the House of Saud fall...

...how will that affect American interests?  Great question, if you ask me.

If you ask President Obama, who has in all practical terms abandoned the Middle East, he will probably give some lame lip service as to how these events are up to the citizens of Saudi Arabia.

The Saudis, who are the Sunni Muslim super power in the region, have thrown down the gauntlet against the Shiite Muslim super power in the region, Iran.  With the U.S. firmly entrenched on the sidelines in the Middle East currently, the Saudis rightly have concluded that they are on their own.

We may indeed see a shooting war erupt between these two Muslim nations, with maybe even nukes involved, as we have seen proxy wars between the two sects for some time now in Syria, and more recently in Yemen and Iraq.

But how will all of this turmoil affect us?  If we all remember, we had a reliable ally in the region 36 years ago in Tehran under the Shah Riza Pahlavi's rule.  He was an unsavory ally to be sure, and his excesses and disregard for his people are for sure the stuff of legend.  But he was an ally, who sided with the U.S. on virtually every issue within the region.

Enter Jimmy Carter, who unilaterally decided that we could live without the Shah, and threw him under the bus. With the Shah rendered toothless by the U.S., the madmen mullahs under the leadership of the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini promptly deposed the Shah, stormed our embassy, kept our diplomats hostage for well over a year, and established the most disruptive and evil force in the region for the next half century or so.  Well done, Jimmy.

With the potential fall of the House of Saud should the agents of Tehran prevail in this latest kerfuffle, we can expect that whoever fills the vacuum after the Saudis vacate their palaces in Riyad will most definitely not be friendly to U.S. interests.  I can't say that I will feel sorry for these rotten potentates spawned from ol' Ib'n Saud's loins, not really.  They deserve every bad thing that happens to them, and more.  

But like Iran in 1979, we should perhaps learn from history: it's preferable to deal with the devil you know, than with the devil you don't know.

Why on earth do people build homes in flood plains?

Every winter and every spring, after each and every large snowfall or storm, we see those cameras panning mile upon square mile of flooded terrain.

And every year at these times, we watch the governors of these flooded states clamor for a microphone and a camera to issue a declaration of a disaster area.  In this way, the federal government will send floods of U.S. taxpayer dollars to them, so that they can pass out relief funds to those unfortunate souls stricken so severely in their time of need, as tears flow from their red eyes nearly as much as the river that caused these tears.

In Illinois in particular (my temporary state of residence, I have vowed not to die here), the floods along the Mississippi happen virtually every year.  My first year in this area was 1993, and they tell me that the flooding that year was a 'one in 500 year event.' Now, only 23 years later, I am being told that this flood is a 'one in 500 year event.'

If this pattern holds up, we will be hearing in a few years about yet another 'one in 500 year event,' as those poor wretches along the Mississippi are standing hip deep in water in their living rooms.

I can't understand why people who build their homes in flood plains are upset when floods happen (in flood plains).  They truly seem puzzled that their homes are suddenly full of water....again.  I am guessing that the costs of this real estate are dirt cheap.  And that it pays off in the long run to simply rebuild every 10 years or so when the river comes along and sweeps their belongings away.

Do not under any circumstances, however, expect even a tiny bit of sympathy from me for these fools.  They are on the TV each and every year, tears running down their cheeks after their homes are destroyed by a flooding river.  I am not buying it anymore.  These tears are probably just part of their long term plans: build in flood plains on the cheap, get flooded out, and then stick your hand out as tears run down your face so that the governor can lay some money on you.  I am not falling for that anymore.  

News to people who build their homes in flood plains (namely along the Mississippi): your home will be flooded, either this year, or next year, or perhaps in 10 years.  But it WILL flood.  That's why they call the flood plain you built your home in a flood plain. IT FLOODS.

If you don't want to get your home flooded, don't build in flood plains.

Duh.