Fredd's Top 5 Republican Candidates in 2012

With Barack Obama's popularity plummeting, his confidence polls tanking, his foreign policy acumen doubted by the entire planet, and his general incompetence in full view for all to see, the GOP could literally field the Howdy Doody/Bozo the Clown ticket and win in a landslide in 2012.  We'll see.

Since the bar is now set so low, let's handicap the front running contenders for the Republican nod, shall we?

1.  Donald Trump: 2 to 1 odds that he's our guy at the end of the nomination process.  'The Donald' seems to have a leg up at this moment in time, and for good reason: he's an extremely deep pocketed populist, who will say anything that gets him noticed.  Like getting tough with China.  Or OPEC.  And I like this one: just take $1.5 Trillion dollars worth of oil from Iraq to cover our costs of emancipating them from the hated Saddam Hussein.  Just take it.  And when I say extremely deep pocketed, I mean that The Donald makes a filthy rich Ross Perot look like a hot dog stand vendor in downtown Manhattan (and those guys make 6-figures-trust me on that one). With the big, greasy gobs of money he has at his disposal to throw into his campaign, he should be an exceptionally formidable candidate, and all of that tsunami of money will be spent to muddy and obscure his squishy, wishy-washy ever changing social positions that will curdle any social conservative voter's views of him.

2.  Sara Palin:  Give Sara about 3 to 1 odds to head up the ticket.  On the positive side, Sara Palin has all of the red meat issues down with her conservative base: pro-life, pro-business, pro-capitalism, pro-religion, etc. She's got all the bases covered, and preaches them from the confines of principled core values that are unshakable.  With Sara, you get what you see.  On the negative side, her voice is an octave or two too high (shrill, some say) and she without a doubt has got to be the most hated, despised and loathed figure that the left has ever witnessed, even more hated than Nixon, Bush 43 or Reagan, and I didn't think that was even possible.  Again, to the positive: all three guys, Nixon, Bush and Reagan were two term presidents.  Despite the hate and loathing from the left.

3.  Chris Christie.  What's not to like about this guy?  Well, if you are a conservative, that is.  Like Palin, he is an unapologetic conservative to the bone, and is chalking up a great track record in New Jersey in standing up to big government lefties, teachers unions and other socialist interests.  He swears he is not running, but don't they all. Give the Big Guy about 4 to 1 odds of grabbing the nod.

4.  Mike Huckabee.  Like 'The Donald,' Huckabee loves to present his politics via populism.  And it works, to a point.  He has a bit of baggage to shake off, namely pardoning that murderer who ultimately walked into a coffee shop in Seattle and executed several off-duty policemen and women.  That, and his tax record as governor gives some fiscal conservatives the heebie jeebies.  Other than that, Mike is a solid, God fearing capitalist who could go all the way.  Give him 5 to 1 odds to be the last man standing at the GOP convention.

5.  Mitt Romney.  Mitt has got lots going for him: the chiseled features, the Hollywood hair, the smooth and confident manner and a great political pedigree.  All of that counts, but as we all recall in 2008, he didn't exactly put the Mormon haters out to pasture like he could have.  And his biggest challenge: he has to explain away his mini-Obamacare health care plan enacted under his tenure as Massachusetts governor, and which is now floundering in red ink. Six to 1 odds to prevail at the convention, at best for Mitt.

OUT OF THE RUNNING:

6.  Newt Gingrich.  Ah, Newt, Newt, Newt.  The smartest guy in the room.  The guy with all the answers.  The architect of the 1994 Republican Revolution.  All of that said, what has he done for us lately? Write about 10 or 20 books about principled reform of an out of control socialist government, and then immediately throw his support behind Dede Scazofavva in New York (a documented liberal).  Marry and discard two or three wives, give or take a few, and irritate the social conservatives to no end.  Newt is also a populist, who is right up there with Reagan, Dubya, Nixon and Sara Palin as the most loathed and despised by the left.  In any event, Newt has virtually no chance.  Almost none whatsoever. Give him 100 to 1, since I am inclined to hedge my bets on his spirit of competition: he is still the fiery back bencher that he always was.

7.  Tim Pawlenty.  Enough said. A million to one odds, and I am being generous here.

8.  Pat Paulsen.  Even though he's dead, Tim Pawlenty and  perennial presidential candidate Pat Paulsen have the exact same odds of getting the GOP nomination. Don't make me do the math, here....

9, 10 and on and on....  The rest of the gang, I won't bother mentioning their names, none of them have a chance. A gazillion to one chance for any of the rest. 

Bets, anyone?

Compromising with today's Democrats is like...

1. ....haggling with the Taliban. Here is how that would go: 

 Mustaffa: 'All infidels must be beheaded. Allah has commanded us to do this.'
John Boehner: 'We appreciate that you are negotiating from a principled position, Mustaffa, however we feel that beheading ALL infidels is not something my caucus will support. How about we agree that we only behead HALF of all infidels? Would that be acceptable to your people?' 

2. ....discussions between 18th century doctors on how to treat a urinary tract infection: 

 Doctor Smythe: 'It is clear to all of the medical profession that this ailing patient needs massive blood letting, at least two litres need to be removed immediately. His blood is toxic, and we need to eliminate as much of his poisonous blood as possible, so that he might recover.'
Doctor Boehner: Yes, we both agree that this patient has too much poisonous blood coarsing through his veins. I would suggest that we only bleed him one litre, observe him for a few weeks, and then bleed him the other litre if his condition does not improve, how does that sound, Dr. Smythe?'

 3....negotiating with the Wolfman: 

 Wolfman: 'Grrrrrrowwwwlllll, Snnnnnarrrrlllll!!' (translation: 'I'm going to rip your throat out, eviscerate you and devour your liver, but not necessarily in that order.')
Victim Boehner: 'Yes, I understand your hunger, Mr. Wolfman. Your plans for my body parts are understandable, given your current state, however I would propose that you only chew off my left leg, as Mrs. Boehner would not go for your initial proposal...' 

 I believe my analogies are wildly exaggerated, however not wildly inaccurate. The GOP has been haggling with Democrats over what turns out to be $350 Million dollars of cuts to the 2011 budget, while the U.S. has been borrowing approximately $3.5 BILLION dollars every day to cover our deficit spending. This haggling has been going on for a month, you do the math... 

The GOP's ultimate duty, as demanded by the voters last November, is to reduce the size of government and slashing the humongous debt that socialist Democrats have hung around the necks of every American, born and unborn for as far into the future as the eye can see. . To get this done, compromise with Democrats is not the way to go. The Democratic party's ultimate goal is to turn our country into a European socialist quasi-democracy, where everyone who can contribute is bled dry, and everyone who wants to lay sideways in the public trough can do so without lifting a finger towards the common good. 

These two positions are polar opposite, they are incompatible, and there is absolutely no middle ground. Compromise is not possible, and the only resolution to these differences is to achieve unconditional victory over the other side. Which side will in the end come up on top? 

So far, it looks like the socialists have a full head of steam....

Congress will raise the debt ceiling (again...)

Don't these guys get it? What is not to understand about the November 2010 election results? Americans want our debt brought under control by responsible adults, and they elected people to get the job done. And the math is not hard, either. There is one and only one way to turn around the direction of our skyrocketing debt: stop spending money we don't have. And now what are we to expect this week? Another step towards bankruptcy, courtesy of the 112th Congress, when they vote to raise the debt ceiling yet again. This new GOP controlled House bunch thinks that the only way to get things done is to compromise with the scoundrels who got us into this mess in the first place. That is so wrong on so many levels. Compromising with these guys is like compromising with the Taliban: 'so, Mahmoud, you insist we cut off the heads of infidels who reject the teachings of the Prophet. How about this, Mahmoud: we only cut off the arm of an infidel, would that make you happy? Let me know about my proposal, I gotta take something back to my people...' Raising the debt ceiling (again, for the 11th time in the last 10 years) is simply giving in to the wild spending Democrat socialists who think money grows on trees. These Republicans better get with the program and stop the spending, address the outrageous entitlements and the bloated federal government that have been established by our socialist counterparts over the last 75 years. Just like we asked them to do last November.