How to Become a Leader of Liberals

Do you ever yearn to become an advocate of your favorite liberal cause? Can you just imagine gripping that bullhorn and blasting away at your nemesis (Republicans) while an adoring yet mindless liberal audience hangs on your every amplified word?

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By following these simple yet important steps, you can realize your dreams of world domination simply by reading on:

STEP 1.

If you aspire to a liberal leadership position, check your integrity, honor and character at the door. There is no value whatsoever in sticking to these antiquated notions within liberal leadership circles. If you find yourself having doubts about the immorality of having to lie, misinform and obfuscate reality in order to advance your cause, simply repeat this phrase: 'The End Justifies the Means.' And of course, by the end, I am referring to obtaining by any means power for you to wield over others. After chanting this phrase three times, in mere moments the urge to come clean with your followers will dissipate and you can continue to lead your mindless liberal flock into the future without the impediment of truth, values and honor to block your efforts. Label all of your political foes (Republicans) as an angry mob of racists, bigots, homophobes and general miscreants, and yet do not hesitate for a moment at stooping to any low (regardless of how low and loathsome low happens to be) to further your ambitions. Remember, hypocrisy is a good thing: always enact legislation that negatively affects others, and have the unmitigated gall to exempt yourself from these adverse consequences of your bad, uh, er I mean fair legislation. At the end of the day, you will sleep like a baby knowing that you yourself will live happily ever after, your constituents be damned.

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STEP 2.

Some liberal leader candidates view their aspirations as the noble management and fair allocation of our nations' scarce resources. Wipe this thought from your mind. This misguided notion of fairness will only get you into trouble going forward in your liberal leadership career. Being a liberal leader is about one thing only; power. Liberal leaders are about power, how to obtain it, how to keep it, and how to wield it for their own gain as well as punishment of their enemies (Republicans). All tactics in the pursuit of power are justified, to include lying, stealing, cheating, manipulation, spreading of misinformation and all other manner of skulduggery. Again, a good phrase for the liberal leader candidate to keep in mind is always 'The End Justifies the Means.' Chant this phase three times when you feel weak. Works every time.

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STEP 3.

Remove all mirrors from your living and working spaces. Since you no longer have any regard for integrity, honor and character as a requirement for aspirations to liberal leadership, it is simply impossible to look yourself in the face seeking any semblance or hint of dignity after affecting all manner of malfeasance in the pursuit of power. On the same token, you must shriek from the mountain tops that your opponents (Republicans) must represent the epitome of honor, character and integrity, despite your complete lack of them. This will endear you to your fellow liberal leaders. Remember to use your bull horn at the top of the mountain, as the echo effects are quite impressive.

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Remember, your adoring liberal constituencies are for the most part brain dead hippies who just want to sit around a commune and sing Kumbaya. You need only know that yelling 'A Chicken in Every Pot,' 'Stick it to the Man' and 'Haliburton!' and most importantly 'It's Bush's Fault!' into your bullhorn as loudly as possible will vault you into the inner circle of liberal power in perpetuity.