Wednesday, April 21, 2010

How to Become a Leader of Liberals

Do you ever yearn to become an advocate of your favorite liberal cause? Can you just imagine gripping that bullhorn and blasting away at your nemesis (Republicans) while an adoring yet mindless liberal audience hangs on your every amplified word?
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By following these simple yet important steps, you can realize your dreams of world domination simply by reading on:
STEP 1.
If you aspire to a liberal leadership position, check your integrity, honor and character at the door. There is no value whatsoever in sticking to these antiquated notions within liberal leadership circles. If you find yourself having doubts about the immorality of having to lie, misinform and obfuscate reality in order to advance your cause, simply repeat this phrase: 'The End Justifies the Means.' And of course, by the end, I am referring to obtaining by any means power for you to wield over others. After chanting this phrase three times, in mere moments the urge to come clean with your followers will dissipate and you can continue to lead your mindless liberal flock into the future without the impediment of truth, values and honor to block your efforts. Label all of your political foes (Republicans) as an angry mob of racists, bigots, homophobes and general miscreants, and yet do not hesitate for a moment at stooping to any low (regardless of how low and loathsome low happens to be) to further your ambitions. Remember, hypocrisy is a good thing: always enact legislation that negatively affects others, and have the unmitigated gall to exempt yourself from these adverse consequences of your bad, uh, er I mean fair legislation. At the end of the day, you will sleep like a baby knowing that you yourself will live happily ever after, your constituents be damned.
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STEP 2.
Some liberal leader candidates view their aspirations as the noble management and fair allocation of our nations' scarce resources. Wipe this thought from your mind. This misguided notion of fairness will only get you into trouble going forward in your liberal leadership career. Being a liberal leader is about one thing only; power. Liberal leaders are about power, how to obtain it, how to keep it, and how to wield it for their own gain as well as punishment of their enemies (Republicans). All tactics in the pursuit of power are justified, to include lying, stealing, cheating, manipulation, spreading of misinformation and all other manner of skulduggery. Again, a good phrase for the liberal leader candidate to keep in mind is always 'The End Justifies the Means.' Chant this phase three times when you feel weak. Works every time.
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STEP 3.
Remove all mirrors from your living and working spaces. Since you no longer have any regard for integrity, honor and character as a requirement for aspirations to liberal leadership, it is simply impossible to look yourself in the face seeking any semblance or hint of dignity after affecting all manner of malfeasance in the pursuit of power. On the same token, you must shriek from the mountain tops that your opponents (Republicans) must represent the epitome of honor, character and integrity, despite your complete lack of them. This will endear you to your fellow liberal leaders. Remember to use your bull horn at the top of the mountain, as the echo effects are quite impressive.
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Remember, your adoring liberal constituencies are for the most part brain dead hippies who just want to sit around a commune and sing Kumbaya. You need only know that yelling 'A Chicken in Every Pot,' 'Stick it to the Man' and 'Haliburton!' and most importantly 'It's Bush's Fault!' into your bullhorn as loudly as possible will vault you into the inner circle of liberal power in perpetuity.

17 comments:

TKZ said...

You forgot, "Everything is Bushes fault!"

HAHAHAHA

One Ticked Chick said...

Besmirching your conservative and Republican opponents by tagging them as an angry mob of unpatriotic, racist, homophobes is also helpful to gain entry into the inner liberal circle.

Christian Prophet said...

Liberals like to call non-liberals "haters," which is not very logical. But liberals can logically be called muggers. See the article: "Liberal Progressive Muggers."
http://constitutionparti.blogspot.com/

Soloman said...

I believe this falls under "check your integrity, honor and character at the door," but just to be specific -

Maintaining a double standard and expecting the Neo-con Republicans to behave angelically, all the while maintaining no personal standard of ethics, is key.

And while I love the content of your post, you nearly committed blasphemy...

Using the term "muddy the waters?" I mean, come on... Muddy Waters...

Christopher said...

Fredd,

A couple more important points to add here so as to succeed;

-No mirrors are to be anywhere around you as they are now rendered useless as you can longer look at yourself.

-The absolute command in the ability of "projection", now that mirrors are unnecessary you must be able to project your miserable exsistence onto others so as to live with and find favor of yourself.

Fredd said...

TKZ: I have correct the post to reflect your comment, and have changed 'Impeach Bush' to 'It's Bush's fault.' Thank you for your editorial input. Consider this comment as your due credit.

Fredd said...

Chick:

I have edited the post accordingly, and have entered your input into Step 1. Thank you for your editorial input, please consider this comment as your due credit.

Fredd said...

Solomon:

I have used your information to edit my post (see Step 3) and thereby reflect your editorial opinion accordingly. My apologies for besmirching Muddy Waters as that was definitely not my intent, and have accordingly changed the narrative to 'obfuscating reality.'

Again, ditto the credit thing above.

Fredd said...

Christoper:

I like the mirror suggestion, and have accordingly inserted it as the first step in Step 3.

Where would I be without all you guys (and gals)to keep me straight?

Credit to you, BTW. Feel free to critique my writings at your convenience. No topic is off the table, Christoper (other than Robocop, you know how sensitive I am about that loveable bucket of nuts and bolts).

Christopher said...

Fredd, As the suggestions mount making your steps more informative than they already were, we had better be careful who may take this advise!

Speaking on the steps getting more informative you may consider breaking them down into sub-sections so a product of the Public School system can more easily absorb the information on their route to success.

p.s., Long live Robocop, just not in my video collection.

tha malcontent said...

"How to Become a Leader of Liberals"

Duh! And why would I want to do that?

LOL

Fredd said...

Excellent question, mal.

Leading liberals is a great gig, (if you can get it) for the following reasons:

1) You don't have to produce results, you merely have to claim that your intentions are pure (even if they aren't)

2) Your flock is dumber than a bag of hammers, influencing their behavior is a piece of cake.

3) Lots of face time on TV, can lead to bigger and better things, like getting elected to a state gig, then the Senate and ultimately to the Oval Office.

Christopher said...

Fredd,

Your description sounds eerily familiar to that of local broadcast meteorologist.

RightKlik said...

You're right on target FS!

Leftists are pretty lousy.

Christopher said...

Fredd, You must visit this site and see for yourself,,Robobama

http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/

Fredd said...

Christopher:

Checked it out, and have deemed it blasphemous - to use Robo's image in vain.

Joe said...

Marvelous! This will make my "Features" side bar.