Sunday, March 4, 2012

Math test for liberals

Please answer the following math problems designed for the compassionate, caring and informed portion of the American public (also known as progressives or liberals).  Answers are below:

1.  If John has a welfare check in the amount of $577.83, Mary has a food stamp debit card with a $1,118.06 balance, and Bill has an unemployment check of $683.74, and they pooled their resources towards the purchase of the American Dream car, the Chevrolet Volt, what would be the balance due on their Chevy Volt if they applied their money as a down payment on the total value of the car of $46,855.90?

2.  By shutting down an evil polluting coal fired electric power plant in Springfield which powered 2,000 households, and diverting irrigation water from 75,000 acres of farmland in River City in order to save an endangered minnow's threatened habitat, how many citizens are  now free to move about the country in search of their dreams, instead of killing the earth with pollution and killing off Gaia's helpless creatures by their wicked human activities?

3.  Community A raised property taxes on all households with incomes above $74,250.00 (widely considered rich, and therefore evil) to 50% on each assessed dollar of property value.  According to the County assessor's office, doing so would generate $5 Billion dollars in additional revenue.  In a school district of 7,000 enrolled children, how many free breakfasts (that cost the district $9 per meal), lunches (that cost the district $15 per meal) and dinners (that cost the district $22 per meal) are now available to previously starving and wretched kids, now that all of this excess money that the rich evil people don't need has been wisely diverted into a deserving program?


1.  This question is tricky, but for the savvy among us progressives, the answer is clear: Mary's food stamp card is not technically eligible to fund non-food related activities.  But since the purchase will assist in saving the environment, all parties to this transaction will look the other way and condone the application of the entire balance to this worthwhile purchase that will save us all in the long run.

2.  The number of freed souls released to pursue happiness instead of evil is irrelevant: what is important is that the evil of pollution and killing of Gaia's creatures has been thwarted by good intentions.  That is all that matters in this question. 

3.  The information is incomplete in this question to form an answer.  Now that children are fed breakfast lunch and dinner, they really have no need to come home during the week, and accordingly additional funds must be obtained (presumably by raising the tax assessment to 75% of each dollar of property value from those rich SOB's) so that barracks can be built on the school site to accommodate the children during the school week.  They can visit their parents on weekends, but it might be brought up at the next school board meeting on extending the food program to the weekends as well.


Silverfiddle said...

That's pretty clever, Fredd!

Fredd said...

So, Silver:

Did you ace this test?

Hack said...

This gave me a good laugh Fredd. Thanks!

Fredd said...


You and I probably think this is funny, but sadly most liberals who read it get steamed.

If the shoe fits, though....

The Conservative Lady said...

Good one, Fredd. Are you sure you didn't pick this up at the DNC website.

Fredd said...


I very well could have copied this from the DNC. Notice that none of the answers have a single number in them.

Liberals are not good with numbers.

Z said...

Brilliant....very clever!
It's the first time I've really understood MATH :-)

Kid said...

1.John, Mary, and Bill get all their money refunded to them in the form of rebates, but each one dies in simultaneous explosions of their Volt as it sits in line at a McDees drive thru.

2. I agree with your answer.

3. Homeowners sell their homes and move out like rats diving off a sinking ship, driving the property values lower than a slum in Detroit. The locals in charge raise taxes to 100%, but 100% of 10 cents per home is not enough to feed anyone even a breakfast. The idiots remaining in the community die of starvation. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharptone fly in and blame everything on the evil repubblekins. New local people move in and vote in a 100% majority of democrats. The town vascilates between dirt poor and nuclear poor for the next 100 years.

Fredd said...


Exactly right: let Democrats run things in perpetuity, and communities turn into Detroit and New Orleans.

And California. Speaking of rats fleeing a sinking ship, sooner rather than later, CA will be a third world country.

Fredd said...

Kid: PS> remember when $46K would buy you a pretty hot car?

You know, a chick magnet? Sleek, fast, low, sporty, lousy gas mileage. You know, a great car.

No chicks I know of would be caught dead in a Volt, but then again I only know smart chicks.

Kid said...

Fredd, Agreed. On the radio this a.m., I heard the Volt had won a very prestigious award ! LOL !!!

Yesterday I read that GM was giving the Volt Plant a multi-0month Time Out.

Can it get any stupider?

Well, if you're into such things, 46k Will get you very close to the top of the line Camaro 580 hp and lots of other stuff. Which, even that is absurd. 46k for a Camaro?
Leapin Lizards.

Have you considered going back to old blogger and turning off word verification? It's now the 2 word impossible to read for people over 40 code.. :)

And I don't see any way to get email notices of replies to comments on here anymore either.