From the ABC News bureau, New York:
In the recent weeks, several gruesome deaths have been attributed to deadly products, widely available for sale on U.S. grocery shelves, and this humble and impartial ABC News correspondent has just a few examples to report to an unsuspecting public:
Vero Beach, Forida - a woman was killed by a shark attack while swimming in neck deep waters off the coast of Florida on Monday morning, sources say. It was determined that the woman, Edna G. Getaclue, age 34, on vacation from Kentucky, harmlessly strapped fresh, juicy T-bone steaks to her arms and legs in a routine and common attempt to keep cool from the hot Florida sun. When she went swimming with the steaks still strapped firmly to her, a hungry shark attacked and killed the woman, in a completely surprising move by a usually harmless fish. When the butcher shop where the deadly steaks were purchased by the unsuspecting victim was contacted regarding the known deadly attraction to sharks, they had no comment. It is suspected that the steaks, a known deadly product, had something to do with the deadly attack. The family of the victim has no comment currently, pending criminal investigations into the rogue butcher shops' past evil activities.
Coeur d'Alene, Idaho - a couple was mauled to death by a 12' grizzly bear Tuesday evening while hiking in the wilderness near this mountain vacation spot, reports the U.S. Forest Service. Apparently the couple, Harvey Q. Dipshutt, 33 and his wife Chloe, 28, had just stocked up their backpacks with Oberto beef jerky, and Hostess Twinkies for snacks on their hike when suddenly, out of nowhere the huge bear attacked the couple, killing them and eating the snacks. Incriminating shredded wrappers of both deadly but commonly available products were found near the bodies of the victims, reported a U.S. Forest Service official. Spokesmen for both Oberto and Hostess were unvailable for comment when asked by ABC News why such a known deadly bear attracting product was still on the market, despite their well known deadly properties. Criminal and civil suits are likely to follow in the coming weeks.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the U.S. is awash with products widely known to cause injury and death, and yet they continue to be available on supermarket shelves nationwide.
This is Fredd, your impartial and vigilant ABC News correspondent, back to you in the studio, George.
#NotOK - Why did Kathy post this? And then delete. Was it somehow #NotOK? Hail /pol/, LSP
1 hour ago