Tuesday, November 3, 2015

The latest 'Get Rich Quick' scheme: Fantasy Football

You know how to pick 'em, right?  You fare better in the office football pool than the next guy, we all know that.  Now it's time to start making some money off of your God given talent: just pony up $200 bucks at Fan Duel (and they will magnanimously match that amount).  Pick your players, stay under the salary cap and watch the games on Sunday.  Then, simply wait for the huge check to show up.

If you fall for this stupidity, you are dumber than a bag of hammers. Fantasy football sites such as Fan Duel and Draft Kings are nothing more than the latest version of a lottery: the odds of you winning any payouts of big bucks are virtually zero.  But the ads for these fantasy football sites, much like lotto ads, portray everybody drinking Dom Perignon champagne, driving around in Lamborghinis and Ducati Diavels, and lounging on the decks of opulent yachts.  Yeah, that's going to be you if you participate in our scam, uh, er, exciting game.  

So far, most states view these sites as games of skill, and not gambling.  Their supporters argue that unlike poker or playing the lotto, significant skill is required to succeed: you must know the potential of all players in the NFL, and must mix and match their skills and yet keep under the salary cap, all knowledge based you see.  Fantasy football is nothing like video poker, or playing the 'quick pick' lotto selection where you simply allow the computer to generate random selections.  No, you see, the fantasy football gamer is completely different than those gambling losers who play the lotto; they are skilled.

If you believe that, you don't have the brains God gave a crow bar.

Fantasy football sites such as Fan Duel and Draft Kings are flat-out gambling sites.  It requires no more skill than video poker: keep the aces, kings and queens, throw out anything that doesn't pair up, run in sequence or match suits, and hit the draw button and hope for the best.

In fantasy football, keep the productive QB (aces), kings and queens (productive running backs and receivers), throw out unproductive and expensive/hurt players (non-pairs, unsuited or sequenced cards).  Sound similar?   That's because it's EXACTLY the same game.  Fantasy football is poker is lotto is horse racing. It's GAMBLING, you morons.  

And who wins in gambling?  THE HOUSE wins, idiot.  How else do they generate those big checks for those precious few smiling winners lounging on the decks of those yachts?  The house (fantasy football site owners) must consistently have better odds of keeping your money than you do, otherwise they go broke.  

Get it?

If not, there's no hope for you.  Go ahead and sign up, pay your hard earned money into that site and sit back and wait for that huge check to show up.  And while you're at it, go buy a few lotto tickets.

You will be waiting for that huge payday for a while.  Quite awhile.

15 comments:

Kid said...

What's football ?

sig94 said...

A fool and his money are soon parted. No way can you stop that process as long as fools have cash.

Brighid said...

I don't gamble unless it's with someone elses money, and even then find it difficult. I have a friend that works hard to keep a head of his bills, yet plays fantasy football & the lotto because someday.. I don't get it.

LL said...

I guess that I'm not as stupid as a box of rocks. That may come as a shock.

Bookmakers are in the business of making money as is every gambling "game" including the venerable old shell game (Three Card Monty). The only reason that professional sports teams are worth the staggering sums that they're valued at is because of gambling...and the gamblers are slaves of odds and point spreads designed to match the bets so that the losers can fork over their 10% vig.

I bought one lottery ticket in my life, browbeat by my partner who ended up an assistant director at the FBI. I didn't win anything, asked him if he was satisfied and that was that. He continued to buy lottery tickets and trumpeted his victories while minimizing the number of tickets he had to buy to win $5.

I agree with you Fredd.

LL said...

Jeb! plays fantasy football...

Fredd said...

Kid: we might have to rescind your 'man card.' Liking football is 'man'-datory. You have 3 days to pick a favorite team and buy a jersey.

Fredd said...

Sig: you are right. I am just gobsmacked that anyone with an IQ over 75 doesn't see this scam for what it is. No wonder we keep electing Democrats to 'fix' things for us.

Fredd said...

LL: I too know these types who boast and crow about what kind of success they have at the casinos, but never ever mention the beatings they took more often than not.

Fredd said...

Brighid: your friend is like the rest of 'em: they all want to get rich quick, without effort other than waiting in line to buy that winning ticket.

Dreamers. And these guys actually waste quite a bit of their time talking about what they will do with all of this easy money that they will never see.

LSP said...

I'm not a gambling man, but I'll bet my fighting monkey against any FIVE priestesses that whoever gets the Presidency, the Banksters win.

Fredd said...

LSP:

I'll see your fighting monkey and raise you three 'sure-win' lotto tickets, Reverend.

Kid said...

I used to watch Fredd. I have no interest in sports anymore. Sports fans are way too abused. From paying for private enterprise infrastructure with tax money to being raped at the ticket office. Plus it's boring. It's why the sportscasters all scream. because if they didn't everyone would realize it's just a bunch of guys playing with a ball.

Hows about them apples ?

No offense to any fans. Honestly. I was one. I rehabilitated myself.

Kid said...

PS, Let me know where to return my man card. :)

Fredd said...

Kid: All your points are valid. Particularly on the NFL front, those guys are tax exempt crooks, every damn one of 'em. I still love their product though. I guess that makes me akin to a crack addict.


Accordingly, I, being the decent and magnanimous guy that I am and have always been, have decided to allow you to keep your man card. Should you want to turn it in anyway, I can give you the address to the non-man club, it's at 100 Liberace Way in Queens, NY.

Kid said...

Fredd, I thought you were going to say 1600 Pennsylvania Ave,