1. ....haggling with the Taliban. Here is how that would go:
Mustaffa: 'All infidels must be beheaded. Allah has commanded us to do this.'
John Boehner: 'We appreciate that you are negotiating from a principled position, Mustaffa, however we feel that beheading ALL infidels is not something my caucus will support. How about we agree that we only behead HALF of all infidels? Would that be acceptable to your people?'
2. ....discussions between 18th century doctors on how to treat a urinary tract infection:
Doctor Smythe: 'It is clear to all of the medical profession that this ailing patient needs massive blood letting, at least two litres need to be removed immediately. His blood is toxic, and we need to eliminate as much of his poisonous blood as possible, so that he might recover.'
Doctor Boehner: Yes, we both agree that this patient has too much poisonous blood coarsing through his veins. I would suggest that we only bleed him one litre, observe him for a few weeks, and then bleed him the other litre if his condition does not improve, how does that sound, Dr. Smythe?'
3....negotiating with the Wolfman:
Wolfman: 'Grrrrrrowwwwlllll, Snnnnnarrrrlllll!!' (translation: 'I'm going to rip your throat out, eviscerate you and devour your liver, but not necessarily in that order.')
Victim Boehner: 'Yes, I understand your hunger, Mr. Wolfman. Your plans for my body parts are understandable, given your current state, however I would propose that you only chew off my left leg, as Mrs. Boehner would not go for your initial proposal...'
I believe my analogies are wildly exaggerated, however not wildly inaccurate. The GOP has been haggling with Democrats over what turns out to be $350 Million dollars of cuts to the 2011 budget, while the U.S. has been borrowing approximately $3.5 BILLION dollars every day to cover our deficit spending. This haggling has been going on for a month, you do the math...
The GOP's ultimate duty, as demanded by the voters last November, is to reduce the size of government and slashing the humongous debt that socialist Democrats have hung around the necks of every American, born and unborn for as far into the future as the eye can see. . To get this done, compromise with Democrats is not the way to go. The Democratic party's ultimate goal is to turn our country into a European socialist quasi-democracy, where everyone who can contribute is bled dry, and everyone who wants to lay sideways in the public trough can do so without lifting a finger towards the common good.
These two positions are polar opposite, they are incompatible, and there is absolutely no middle ground. Compromise is not possible, and the only resolution to these differences is to achieve unconditional victory over the other side. Which side will in the end come up on top?
So far, it looks like the socialists have a full head of steam....
JAIL or……………WHAT?? - THIS FASCINATED ME!!! A Judge is offering shortened terms if the inmate has a vasectomy! Or birth control implants… What do you think of this?! Legal?...
2 hours ago